Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
