The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Michael Bay diarrhea
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
