If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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