According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
