i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
