I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I enjoy the company of your penis
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
