I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
