I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
