he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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