i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
