She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
