he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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