I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
