i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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