unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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