twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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