it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
