how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
