I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
