There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
