The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
