Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
