Need sex. Gaining weight.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
