i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
