dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
What a dumb baby whore.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
