walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
