The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
