Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
