i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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