Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
