I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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