I hate all girls vehemently.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
