Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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