Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
What drink are we having for lunch?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
