like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
