I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
