11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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