i just wanna soil my oats bro
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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