I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
