He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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