do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
