I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
