I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
