did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
