I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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