Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
