Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
