He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just cut my nipple shaving
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
