Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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