if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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