I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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